Cogito, ergo sum - I think therefore I am

Anxiety.  I didn't think it was a thing for me.  I knew I had dealt with some bumpy situations in my life. I suppose reflecting on it - the concept of being anxious, with something or about life in general - is something that I had never really labelled.  However, when someone close to me begins to experience something that causes them to experience something they have labelled as anxiety, and experience an inability to engage and interact in the world, and I realise that the experiences that they are having reflect my own personal experiences. It is then that the value of my experience comes to the forefront of my mind. I have realised that this is common ground. I am on a first name basis with anxiety, and have faced it for most of my adult life.  I'm familiar with the territory. I've developed some coping mechanisms to help me manage.  That means I have tried and tested lots of different things, and I know what works for me. Speaking from first hand experienc...

The date had been 18 September, 1993, when the walls of the Pip and Pup coffee shop had dematerialised. The front page of the newspaper had Dave Winfield, his face smiling and the headline 3000. Since that 'time', she had been travelling almost 3 months but it felt like so much longer  Each week, every 168 hours to be exact, she had gone through the same wall melting craziness. This transit was number 12.  She had been to many different stops along her journey. 1940s New York, USA 1997 Cape Town, South Africa 2009 Tasmania, Australia November 1918, Paris, France May 1945, Berlin, Germany She showed up in seemingly random locations, and witnessed events that changed history. Never stayed for more than a week. Exactly 168 hours, actually. That was true, until tonight.

Not again, she thinks to herself. And then the stairwell begins to lose its composition. Damn she says. It's early.  She grips the balustrade, knowing that it's useless. In the realisation, grips harder and closes her eyes.  This, at least, is helpful. The visual experience was harrowing the first time. It still is, but at least this time it is somewhat expected and 'normal'. Remembers the first time, it must have been 3 months ago now. Was sitting at a cafe in her home town, the smell of fresh waffles thick in the morning air, mixed with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Ethiopian, she knows. Pip and Pup was a weird name, but the coffee was to die for. The light has been different, that morning, and she wonders how it might have been different if she had not needed to use the bathroom at Pip and Pups.  She had walked down the passage past the kitchen, and the passage seem to stretch out and bend to the right. Even though she had screamed loud, no one paid any attenti...

It is almost midnight. Outside, the sounds of the street are strange. Unfamiliar. Foreign. Because it is so quiet, the sounds are magnified. A sheep bleating.  A 2 stroke motorcycle being started. A squealing pig. The crunch of gravel under foot. A yellow moon is creeping up from the horizon, staining the stucco a eerie blood mustard colour. The breeze stirs branches in the tree, and the waxy leaves shimmer with subtle golden light from the rising lunar satellite.  Deafening silence, she thinks, reaching for her Bluetooth micro-buds. White noise tonight and a random story spoken by a some caramel voiced late night DJ.  A door slams, somewhere in the distance, a sharp angry noise that never reaches her conscious awareness.  Her ears are filled with noise, white and caramel, and the room and surrounds are instantly silent. And then, there are alarm sounds.  She reaches out, arms flailing and unaware. Looking for something to hit. Crisp sheets crumple, and realises...

If you can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen  It's an interesting saying. Heat is a feature of a kitchen. Sometimes it gets hot. You could say it's the price of playing. This analogy of hot kitchens was originally quipped by a US political candidate, Harry Truman, who went on to be the US President. The idea suggests that some environments have immutable qualities which must be accepted as 'the way that it is', and that if one was to enter into such an environment, one could not complain that such features were unfair. However, what happens if the heat of the kitchen, which is implied to be an uncontrollable characteristic of the environment, is artificially altered?  A nefarious type who was able to influence seemingly uncontrollable characteristics could change the environment, prepare in advance and use the knowledge to their advantage. A nefarious type who had a bad temper and implied that said behaviour was an uncontrollable feature of personality and ...

I've always thought that I had a pretty good outlook on life. A positive perspective.  I always thought: It's just the way you look at things. Give me enough time, and I can convince you that my perspective is better than yours... When I talk to people, even strangers, I find myself commenting on the topic from a 'glass half full' perspective.  I relished the opportunity to drown out their perspective with mine. My voice would get louder when the topic turned to challenges. Especially when the topic turned to challenges. And I know now it's because of lurking traumas in my past, and the fear I held that a negative mindset would somehow cause me to slide back into a former valley. But before I realised that, I was relentless. I was evangelical.  I snuffed out every ember, every smouldering twig, every puff of smoke, with a hyper positive perspective. I became that guy who looks for the silver lining when there is a metaphorical flash flood and the house is floating d...

I was always told that talking to myself was crazy. Like really crazy. But is that true? And as you read this, it's likely you are asking that question. In your head. To yourself. That's ok. I do it too. It just so happens that the process of 'having a chat' with yourself is one of the most sane things you can do. A healthy internal conversation allows you to bounce ideas around in a safe space.  In common vernacular, we 'take a mental note ', 'talk ourselves off the edge', 'give ourselves a pep talk ', and watch our 'self talk'.  I've often taken an hour on a Sunday morning to reflect, silently, on myself and my life. At about 11am each Sunday, a "Reflection time" event reminder pops up on my phone. And I stop to reflect on the week that has been and the week that is coming. If it's close to a holiday, or an important 'memorial' date for me, I'll think about that too.  I can hear the voice in my head right n...

The shadow consists of an area of darkness when light is blocked and it is sharply contrasted by an area of brightness.  What is in the shadow is challenging to identify because it is vague and partially or fully hidden. Metaphorically, shadow refers to subconscious and unconscious beliefs and motivations, and while they are not necessarily negative, they signify something obscured and difficult to see. Where there is full light, darkness cannot exist, and so there is a delicious sense of balance between light and dark, between good and bad, between right and wrong, that is somehow suggested in shadow. As light gets brighter, shadows will invariably form, and I like the idea of shining brightly as a response to the dark, but that doesn't mean that shadow and darkness has no value or purpose. Everything in creation has a purpose.  It is true that shadow is often used to hide things, and it is easy to obfuscate a concept or item when it cannot be clearly seen or directly defined...

I happened to be sitting on the train today, and a podcast featuring Deepak Chopra 'appeared' in my YouTube feed. In the intro, a bold audio snippet caught my attention: "Our human condition causes suffering, and is a function of our inability to sit quietly and do nothing." I know that my thoughts and perspective influence my reality. I have benefited from meditation, and agree that a lack of controlled attention could impact my mental wellbeing.  But the suggestion that human suffering is caused by an inability to sit quietly... That seems a bit of a stretch, and I wonder if I'm the latest victim of auditory click bait? Ok, I think. It is Deepak Chopra. I'll give it 5 minutes and reassess. The discussion goes deep fast. The topics being covered are so dense and complex, even with Deepak Chopra explaining them. The interviewer is asking questions without allowing appropriate space to address the explanation, and already Deepak has wheeled out several juicy ...

Reflections on what is showing up in my life. What is showing up in my life is a reflection of me. There are things that happen which I am not interested in.  I don't prefer them so I don't give them my attention. Because I am not focused on things that I don't prefer, they rarely come into my awareness. Because I am not looking for them, I do not see them. And when I do see them, there has to be a reason. It's my job to work out the reason. It is like the concept of the television set. While there are many transmissions occuring simultaneously, I only see what I tune to. I know that different transmissions are being broadcast on different frequencies. It does not mean that the other transmissions do not exist. It just means that I am tuned into a specific broadcast and I only pick up the broadcast from that specific frequency. When something comes into my life that I don't prefer, it tells me that I'm somehow tuning to the frequency of that thing. I know that t...

My son went to soccer try-outs today. For me, the soccer try-out signals the start of the soccer season, and of the new year proper. The first few weeks of the school year are behind us, and my little ones are getting into a routine.  A rhythm. It feels like the year is stretching out before me, the commencement of a consistent blur. The feeling that this year is already lining up like last year. That it is going to be the same. That the time is going to compress. It feels like the same conversations are already being had. How was your holidays? Good, and yours? Yeah it was good. The mechanical rote of disengaged answers. For me, this is a warning sign.  If I want to look back on a year of amazing experiences, then I need to engage and fine tune my expectations. If the start is already veering off from the experience destination I want to get to, then now is the time to adjust the course.  I don't want to sit in the backseat and buy into a year wit...

Never say something that will not stand as the last thing you will ever say to someone. A powerful statement. What would make a person make an agreement like this? Wisdom born from tragedy. Imagine a 15 year old girl travelling in a train towards Auschwitz with her 8 year old brother. Her parents have been lost to the war, and she fears for her life and for that of her brother. On arrival, the passengers are herded onto the platform and in the crush, she realises that her brother has lost his shoes. Dismayed and thoroughly annoyed, she gives him a sound verbal dressing down. ' How can you lose your shoes. You are so stupid.' And then they are separated, the sister and the brother, and that is the last time they see each other. The brother is lost to the war, and the sister, for the rest of her life, holds on her heart the last words she spoke to her darling brother. On walking out of Auschwitz, makes the commitment: I will never say something that will not stand as the last thi...

There are certain sayings - proverbs - that have been included in common vernacular, that while only consisting of a few words convey a deep and profound meaning. I am fond of sayings, as they reflect an innate sense of common sense and wisdom in a simple way.  Here are a few of my favourites.  I really appreciate 'An apple a day keep the doctor away', as it suggests that simple, regular actions have a positive health benefit. Similarly, 'A stitch in time saves nine' could be considered from a health perspective, however in more general terms, I resonate with the idea that small actions now will bring great rewards in the future. I also use 'Measure twice, cut once' to reinforce the concept of making sure before committing to a course of action. It's similar to 'A stitch in time saves nine', especially as it relates to taking the time to validate an approach in an early stage. The saying 'Haste makes waste' reinforces the idea of rushing from...

How do you like to influence yourself? With a carrot? Or with a stick? Carrots are motivated by the feeling of being drawn towards something attractive. Those people who book their next holiday before they finish the holidays they are already taking.   Sticks are motivated by the feeling of being repelled from something repulsive.  Those people who think about the worst case scenario. If you try stick tactics with a carrot influencer, you might not get the result you seek.  If you try carrot tactics with a stick influencer, the objective might not be met. Interestingly, the outcome sought is the same. If you like to run towards what you want (carrot), you seek to reach your goal. If you like to run away from suffering (stick), you seek to reach your goal. It helps to know which approach inspires you, and it helps to know your objective. Happy running

It's council pick-up in my area  On lawns around the neighbourhood, piles of unwanted items have appeared. There are shelves, chairs, tables and lounges. Cups, glasses, plates and bowls. Fridges, washing machines and dryers, dishwashers and microwaves. Lawnmowers, pressure washers and other gardening equipment. Televisions, stereo units and speakers, video and DVD players, computer screens, desktop computers and gaming units. Packing boxes, cardboard boxes, crates and pallets. I think you get the idea. It's fascinating in many ways. Firstly, a lot of the stuff is is good repair. A house could easily be furnished with the discarded items piled up for council pick-up. Secondly, it attracts people who deal in second hand goods and scrap items. On the afternoons before the collection date, little trucks and cars roar up and down our quiet street, stacked high with items collected from roadside piles. Thirdly, there are items that seem to appear each council pick-up. Neighbours have...

I've got an ultimate question. Each time I see a click-bait style headline, I get a feeling. Like there's an answer out there somewhere. I'm noticing that the sensation deep in my belly is there, and my awareness of it increases when I look at a YouTube feed. Or a billboard. Or a newspaper headline.  The concept of clickbait essentially means catching someone's attention in a negative way. At its core, it relies on someone - you, me, us - we are searching.  Searching for something.  What is it?  They tend to grab me, and I know they've been designed specifically to do that. And behind and above the grabbing nature of click-bait, I'm acknowledging the sensation and my interpretation of the sensation. When I feel "that" feeling, I am searching for something.. What am I searching for?  What about you? What are you searching for? What are we searching for?  Evidently we're all searching for something . There's a desire is that seems to sit in my be...

Did you turn on the tap in the bathroom? I call to my girlfriend. I've walked in to brush my teeth, and bathroom basin is full. Like really full. Like so full that if I put my finger in, it's going to overflow. Nope she says, looking past me to the overfilled sink. Not sure what I am supposed to do with that, I say.  This is the most recent trick of our unnamed housemate. You see, we are housesitting, and we share our home with a friendly ghost. It started with some subtle changes to.the items on my bedside table.  I'd put them a certain way, and then when I'd wake up, they would be different. Not hugely different, but just enough to notice. Like wallet put on the opposite side, or coins being moved slightly. Then it became more obvious. Books stacked specifically on the kitchen table when I'd left them open next to my laptop  It was honestly unnerving. The doors were locked. The windows were locked. Nothing else changed.  Nothing important changed. Just a few thin...

Imagine an afternoon, many years from now. It's autumn, and the sun is already low in the sky. You've seen a few of these afternoons where the light is golden and magnificent, but this one is different because it's going to be your last in this life. It won't hurt. It won't take long. It's not the end of everything, just the end of this thing. And on the last day of your life, you take the opportunity to reflect. What are the things that make you smile? What are the things that you are proud of?  One thing I bet you don't think about... The extra hours you spent at work. I bet you don't think about those. Of course, doing interesting work is exciting and it is important to do something that you enjoy.  But on that final afternoon, I'll bet it is special people who trigger the most powerful emotions.  That trigger the most tears.  That means the most. These are the memories that make a life worth living. It's important that you realise this now.. ...

A graveyard. Each stone carries a name.  Sometimes a short statement.  Always 2 dates, separated by a dash. The dash is the only representation of the experiences of life. It's easy to get lost in the process of life. Getting overwhelmed by the stories of others, of family, society, religion and culture.   It's easy to forget the rumblings, whispers and voices of my heart when the screams of others drown them out.  But I know they are there, and sometimes they bubble up.  It's at those times that I realise that life is the greatest teacher. There is no way that I would appreciate the light if I had not experienced the darkness. All those challenges that inform my path. All those enemies who help me to sharpen my sword. I'm honoured to become aware, long before I leave this mortal coil, that the life that I lead is mine. I have a responsibility to walk my own path. I need to make the dash meaningful. And I give thanks for the teachers now.  I give thank...

All the political parties that we have in Australia align to a specific power base. The political parties have "their people". Some parties are for the people. Some parties are for big business.  Some parties are for a specific issue, a hot topic. Like the environment, animal justice, freedom, liberty, social justice or democracy.  These topics supposedly define a person. Or so they would have you think  Some people think it helps them to feel included and part of a familiar crowd. But by choosing one thematic 'path', such as via a political affiliation, does that need to mean that alternative perspectives are excluded  Apart from a small group of independent political players, who have a different but undoubtedly exclusive perspective, the affiliation to a political party in the current environment means you are automatically aligned with one group. And by definition, the affiliation with one side means that the other side are considered opposite. These "others...

Potential vs limitation. Opportunitity vs challenge. Speedbump vs obstacle  You've probably already realised the common thread between these contrasting terms... Yes, all of these terms describe a way of looking at at situation. One side of the contrast is positive framing. One side of the contrast is negative framing. In the middle, between the contrast, is the situation . When it comes down to it, that is all.  If we extend this description into more complex multi-faceted contexts, including situations with multiple variables, the same premise applies.  The situation is still the situation. Perspective is a function of position and experience, so where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit. When there are people who have different points of view, the situation is between the alternative perspectives, neutral and without meaning. When I am sitting on one side of a polarising situation, the idea that the situation is neutral is not easy to conceptualise or accept...