Perspective

I've always thought that I had a pretty good outlook on life. A positive perspective. 

I always thought: It's just the way you look at things. Give me enough time, and I can convince you that my perspective is better than yours...

When I talk to people, even strangers, I find myself commenting on the topic from a 'glass half full' perspective. 

I relished the opportunity to drown out their perspective with mine.

My voice would get louder when the topic turned to challenges.

Especially when the topic turned to challenges.

And I know now it's because of lurking traumas in my past, and the fear I held that a negative mindset would somehow cause me to slide back into a former valley.

But before I realised that, I was relentless.

I was evangelical. 

I snuffed out every ember, every smouldering twig, every puff of smoke, with a hyper positive perspective.

I became that guy who looks for the silver lining when there is a metaphorical flash flood and the house is floating down the street. 

I was terrified that another person's story would somehow trigger me and my story would surface. 

So I masked my fear, and pushed back HARD.

No doubt I missed out on many real connections. 

No doubt I was really talking to myself.

And then one day, life gave me an opportunity to reconsider my perspective, as it often does. 

I met someone who stopped me in my tracks.

I was working as a night manager at a hotel motel to pay my way through university. While I waited in the reception for guests to arrive, I would respond to website enquires and do my university homework.

One particularly wet night, I was deep in my university textbook when the entrance door bell rang. 

I went to greet the guest, and found a man at the front desk wanting to check-in. He had a reservation, and I noted that the reservation had all the required documents and had been pre-paid. 

Nonetheless, I went through the usual check-in procedure, showing him where the fire exits were located, and where he could access the various guest facilities. 

As I wound up the process, I shifted into friendly small talk and commented on the rainy weather.

It had been extremely dry in Brisbane for an extended period, dams were low on water, and the city had imposed water restrictions for gardens and pool owners.

'It's so nice to see some rain', I said.

The man looked at me and said: 'The rain is not good for me. I have wet blankets.'

He then explained he had been living rough on the street, and the local church had funded his accommodation for the night while his blankets were laundered. 

My chirpy positive comment seemed hollow against the reality of being homeless.

I felt ashamed, empathetic and embarrassed all at once.

I mumbled a response that allowed me to avoid engaging him further, handed over his room keys and retreated to the reception for the remainder of my shift.

Later, I wrote the word PERSPECTIVE in capital letters at the top of a piece of paper.

My heart felt deeply his predicament, and this emotion mixed with my own guilt for thinking about water to wash my car while he had to manage life on the streets and wet blankets.

I can understand why I felt guilty, even though I was not to blame for his life situation and had not intentionally mocked his situation.

However it taught me a valuable lesson about perspective.

Like not to make assumptions.

Like we all have different experiences.

The situations and circumstances of life, across days, weeks, months and years, influence the way we compile these experiences.

The person I'm talking to is not just a perspective to rebuff. 

The person I'm talking to is a compilation of situations, circumstances, experiences and many other things.

It is almost impossible to understand anothers life experience unless you walk many, many miles in their shoes. 

And so, in my fervour to smother another person's point of view, I've only demonstrated my own insecurity. 

More than that, I've missed out on other ways to see the story of life. 

So now, I'm lucky to have mellowed. I'm grateful for the lessons I learnt that rainy night in Brisbane.

I've decided that my perspective is safe, and there is no need to overwhelm another perspective if it is different.

The world is big enough to contain different opinions, and as I've said before, if I had walked the same path as another, it is likely my perspective would align with theirs. Thus, the perspectives of others are uniquely valid as they are based on individual situations and circumstances.

I still weild a positive perspective, but I'm not as militant about alternative points of view or threatened if another person wants to share a perspective that is different from mine.

In this way, I've learnt more ways to be ok about the complex stories that sit inside me.

I've also learned that other perspectives have valuable information to inform my perspective.

And finally and most importantly, I've realised there are some common threads that run through human experiences, irrespective of personal perspective.

Things that everyone wants:

To love, and be loved

To be treated with dignity and respect.

To do meaningful work and be acknowledged for it.

To have food and water, and be safe, secure, warm and dry. 

No matter if you live on the street or the shiniest mansion in the world, these are common needs, desires and dreams. I'm pleased that I've finally landed that realisation, because of course life is much more enjoyable living as a human who allows himself to be a bit more human too...