When days become years

The 2nd of March.

In a couple of weeks, I will commence another lap around the sun.

So it brings with it a moment of reflection. Perhaps more than a moment....

How is my experience of the year that has been?

Wins...

New job

New mindset, and stepping up.

Awareness of my health and wellbeing, and action towards higher sense of health and wellbeing.

Letting go of the little things

Engaging the big things, the important things

Getting to know the difference between little things and big things, realising them earlier and more consciously, and having the courage to take decisive action.

Facing my personal history and family trauma

Losses...

Innocence of early fatherhood

Pretending to be nice (not really a loss)

As I reflect on the year that is to come, I'm filled with excitement and enthusiasm.

I feel I am in the right place, and the right time is 'getting ripe'.

I trust that I will know the time and have the courage to step when the time and place are right.

Comments

Handstands

I’m waiting for a coffee on a Saturday morning, standing next to the counter in a suburban shopping centre. Around the corner comes a Mum with three spirited children. The impact of the small family on the shopping centre energy is palpable. The children are full of life, and the mother has her hands full as the little troupe, aged five, four and three, I estimate, engage with everything with energetic gusto. ‘No running’, Mum says to Mr 4, as a four-year-old energetic boy goes tearing past me. Mum turns around to see the three-year-old walking slowly behind. ‘Come on’, she says to Mr 3, coaxing the littlest one to quicken his pace. Distracted from the older members of the troupe for a few short moments, Mum turns around and sees Mr 4 doing a cool breakdance style handstand in the middle of the shopping centre floor. ‘No handstands’, Mum says. She does not see the coolness in Mr 4’s handstand. Mr 3, however, is visibly impressed and cannot resist the call of acr...

Chapter 2

Not again, she thinks to herself. And then the stairwell begins to lose its composition. Damn she says. It's early. She grips the balustrade, knowing that it's useless. In the realisation, grips harder and closes her eyes. This, at least, is helpful. The visual experience was harrowing the first time. It still is, but at least this time it is somewhat expected and 'normal'. Remembers the first time, it must have been 3 months ago now. Was sitting at a cafe in her home town, the smell of fresh waffles thick in the morning air, mixed with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Ethiopian, she knows. Pip and Pup was a weird name, but the coffee was to die for. The light has been different, that morning, and she wonders how it might have been different if she had not needed to use the bathroom at Pip and Pups. She had walked down the passage past the kitchen, and the passage seem to stretch out and bend to the right. Even though she had screamed loud, no one paid any attenti...

Ancestors

It's been a long time. A long time since I thought about him. And today I visited his grave. Actually, its not really his grave. His mother was buried there many years ago, and his ashes were scattered there after his cremation. His brother thought this was the best place for him to rest . I'm not sure what I expected. Perhaps I thought that this would give me "closure", or a feeling of relief. Perhaps it's been so long, and the emotion and feelings are hidden behind many years. We drove on long straight deserted roads, through old mining areas and tired looking cattle yards. We passed across the marks of an old burnout, and drove through Jarrah forests and pine tree plantations. As we got close to the cemetery, I felt something stirring deep in my belly. The stirring of pain, trauma and emotion long forgotten. The cemetery was a quiet simple clearing setback from the main road and surrounded by virgin bush. Some overgrown bushes covered the path, and I par...

Cogito, ergo sum - I think therefore I am

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